After nine months of subscribing to no avail, in late April I closed down my account at Match.com, just before heading out of the country on a business trip. No results to speak of -- neither any interesting queries nor any notable responses to my own profile. A disappointment, to say the least. I also got tired of women speaking in sentimental clichés ("I want someone who's also my best friend," "Communication is so important in a relationship," etc.) -- revealing virtually nothing central about themselves, while expecting a man to initiate contact and take the risk of rejection nonetheless.

My goals in this project don't seem unrealistic to me. (An ex-girlfriend told me that I had trouble asking for what I want. No, I didn't, I responded; I have trouble getting it.) Some desiderata: No one with a full-tilt job or career they're committed to that keeps them tied to one location. Single, divorced, widowed. No kids living at home. Between 35-45. Intensely sexual. Willing to relocate (if necessary) to where I live. Attractive, slender/petite, college-educated, some interest in arts and culture, capable of becoming comfortable in professional social situations, free to travel. (This means either financially independent or with transportable work -- such as a freelance writer, or a freelance consultant, etc. Or else is at loose ends and wants to pitch in on my projects, where I could use all kinds of help.) Business skills -- sales, accounting, marketing -- a plus. Computer skills a plus. Second language(s) a plus.

In a nutshell, I'm after somebody who would love to live with me here and who, when I tell them that my regular and lucrative month-long gig in a lovely European town has been scheduled for spring 2005, and that I can afford to pay for a second ticket and all other expenses, will say, "Fantastic! What's the weather like there at that time of year?" and not "I'm afraid you'll have to go by yourself. Have a nice time, dear. See you when you get back."

You'd think that the offer of a life with a reasonably handsome and intelligent and talented and creative and accomplished and empathetic and sexy man, alive below the waist and looking a decade younger than his 59 years, demonstrably a mature homemaker capable of taking care of himself and another, cooking, cleaning, rooftop gardening; also a life with a professional with a smidgen of glam, solvent and close to well-to-do, running several businesses; a life full of interesting people and exciting events and travel opportunities and books and music and art; a life in which one would be free to develop one's own projects or work with one's partner on his; a life in which one needed to bring in only half an income in order to sustain a very high quality of life . . . would have some takers.

Turns out it's a hard sell. Or at least I've been shopping it in the wrong marketplaces. Apparently, to many women from the U.S. of my own generation and the generation after that, all of the above is, shall we say, problematic at best. Maybe someone who's been discarded by her culture because she's considered past the marriageable age or is widowed or otherwise undesirable could find solace in a relationship with a man who, for other reasons, finds himself marginalized or unwanted in his culture.

So I've transferred my registration, and my attention, to a trio of sites where people -- including women -- make their wants and needs explicit: Adultfriendfinder.com, Alt.com, and Collarme.com. The first two charge a fee for anything beyond minimal access; the last costs nothing. What impresses me about all three is that (with a few exceptions who just don't seem to get it) registrants not only state straightforwardly their gender preferences and the fact that they seek one or more sexual partners but also specify, to a greater or lesser extent, their actual sexual tastes.

That's not all they speak of, but, perhaps because it's the premise and jumping-off point, they speak much more frankly about not only their sexual inclinations and desires but also about how they want to live their private and public lives with their chosen mates. As a result, I feel I know far more about the average female subscriber to any of these three sites than I did with anyone whose profile I read at Match.com or the other more general sites I tried out.

I enrolled in these new ones at the end of April, just a month ago, and have no substantial results to report as yet, though I have sent out some feelers and have received a few in return. Still, this feels like a more promising course.

More to come . . .