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Anchovy Humor

Do not think for a moment that, simply because we come from ancient stock, we take ourselves so seriously that we cannot allow others to poke fun at us, or have lost the ability to laugh at ourselves. Herewith, our selection of japes from the Unanchovy, and the best of the jokes we of the Anchovy tell on ourselves. —Ye Anchovy Schoolmaster

Well, blow me down with an anchovy! — Stan Laurel

Old Favorites:

Q: How many anchovies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Anchovies don't screw in lightbulbs—you're thinking of electric eels.

Q: Why did the anchovy cross the Gulf Stream?
A: To get to the other side.

A guy goes over and says to his friend, "Wanna see a picture of my aunt?" His friend says, "Sure." The guy pulls a picture out of his wallet and shows it to him. His friend says, "But that's a picture of a fish!" The guy replies, "That's my anchovy."
(No one down here understands this. — The Schoolmarm)

An apocryphal tale:

Someone ordered an anchovy pizza. When he got it, there were very few anchovies on it. He mentioned this to the sales clerk, who explained "Well, most people don't like anchovies."
(The Elder Anchovy find this murky in meaning, though some insist it functions as a complex parable. Our sprats consider it a real tail-wiggler. — The Schoolmarm)

Caption: "Life as an anchovy seems so futile. I'll probably end up just getting scraped off someone's pizza." (We of the Anchovy find our lives rich and rewarding, and accept our diverse fates with equanimity. — The Schoolmarm)

Firesign Theater:
In an episode of Nick Danger, "The case of the Missing Yolks" (Video), and the "Three faces of Al" (album), Rocky (ROCOCO) calls up Nick at the start of the play, and turns everything around:
ROCKY: I want to order an anchovy to go, and hold the pizza.
NICK: Anchovies?
ROCKY: Yeah, those little black things, with eyes!
NICK: You've got the wrong man. I spell my name (LOOKS BACK AT THE DOOR) . . . REGNAD.

From a Newsgroup:

From BIOSCI-REQUEST Tue Jun 28 19:41:18 1994
Received: (from daemon@localhost) by (8.6.9/8.6.6) id TAA29731 for bioforum-list; Tue, 28 Jun 1994 19:41:18 -0700
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From: (Dhugal J. Lindsay)
Subject: anchovies and sardines?
Date: 29 Jun 1994 02:41:51 GMT
Message-ID: <2uqn1f$>
X-Useragent: NewsAgent v1.482

Don't suppose anyone knows if there's a mailing list out there for SARP, anchovies, sardines or plankton?

Thanks in anticipation.

Dhugal J. Lindsay
Ocean Research Institute, University of Tokyo
(all opinions cited are my own and not my employers)

From BIOSCI-REQUEST Wed Jun 29 09:17:48 1994
Received: (from daemon@localhost) by (8.6.9/8.6.6) id JAA07362 for bioforum-list; Wed, 29 Jun 1994 09:17:48 -0700
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Subject: re: anchovies and sardines
Date: 29 Jun 1994 17:16:24 +0100
Message-ID: <2us6oo$>
Original-To: BIOFORUM@dl.AC.UK

The message read
Don't suppose anyone knows if there's a mailing list out there for SARP, anchovies, sardines or plankton?

I not only don't know of any mailing lists for them I'm also amazed at the question.

I didn't even know they had access to computers never mind connection to the internet. :-)

Good luck in your search


(I would point out that this was written more than three years—as you Unanchovy count time—before we entered cyberspace. Yet, though technically correct at the time, the humor seems to depend on the biased assumption that we of the Anchovy would not and could not make use of this new technology. —The Schoolmarm)

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Illustrations © copyright 1997 by Annika Eklöf. All rights reserved.